So it's a week later or maybe it's two. I've had my MRI, I've started on Pramipexole, I've seen an employment lawyer, and I've started with a counselor. The MRI was normal which is consistent with Parkinson's. The dopamine agonist (Pramipexole) is making a difference which is also consistent with Parkinson's. All in all, I'm thinking this is Parkinson's no matter how it might be wished otherwise.
I'm most grateful to be able to type again. I'm a little slow this morning but I'm not struggling the way I was. I think I'll still keep up with the dictation, just so I keep up my skills and I'll have it when I need it.I'm reading a lot about Parkinson's and learning what I can.
It's an odd thing. We talk about it and last night Eric and I started on a Bucket List. It was fun to talk about things that we want to do before I can't do them. But I feel us focusing on that and not talking about what we'll do when it comes and maybe that's okay to just deal with the bad stuff as it comes up, one step at a time, not to plan too much. But I hate being surprised. I worry about the money. Will we have what it takes to care for me when the time comes? Or perhaps my plan of eating more butter to ensure a heart attack is the best plan...
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
walking down the hall to get a soda - luckily no one much is in the office today and there isn't anyone in the hallway to see me - i get myself to the break room - empty - there are napkins to get the tears off my face - i had been picturing the indescribable blue of the water surrounding the Greek Isles - i've always wanted to see that water - could it possibly be the color that it is in the pictures? - will i see it? - bucket list - not what to do before i kick the bucket but what to do before i get so crippled that i can't kick a bucket or walk or - i'm angry i'm sad i'm hopeless for that moment
then i get a grape soda and it's better - there is grape soda in the machine - i love grape soda
there are reminders that it's probably real - that the dr won't be wrong - reminders beyond the almost constant tremor - oh and when did it change so that i notice when it isn't tremoring rather than when it is? - reminders like i can't type much anymore - can't knit - i gesture only on the right side - i find my hand in these odd positions - i get it back to normal with the other hand - right now i'm typing - about half speed from before and very intentionally - i have to watch my hands again - like i did when i first learned to type - watch each finger hit the keys - make sure they are doing what i ask - my hand flutters on the keys sliding across the keys and off - i watch my hand, just my left hand and make sure it is doing what i ask it to do
can this really be real?
a new medicine this weekend - let's hope to God it isn't like the last one
then i get a grape soda and it's better - there is grape soda in the machine - i love grape soda
there are reminders that it's probably real - that the dr won't be wrong - reminders beyond the almost constant tremor - oh and when did it change so that i notice when it isn't tremoring rather than when it is? - reminders like i can't type much anymore - can't knit - i gesture only on the right side - i find my hand in these odd positions - i get it back to normal with the other hand - right now i'm typing - about half speed from before and very intentionally - i have to watch my hands again - like i did when i first learned to type - watch each finger hit the keys - make sure they are doing what i ask - my hand flutters on the keys sliding across the keys and off - i watch my hand, just my left hand and make sure it is doing what i ask it to do
can this really be real?
a new medicine this weekend - let's hope to God it isn't like the last one
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